Mother Theresa: The Seller Who Changed the World

by Carol Costello in The Soul of Selling (Benbella Books, page 183)

My personal inspiration for selling is Mother Theresa.  She had a vision based on authentic personal values, and overcame everything in the way of realizing that vision.  She discovered how to energize her resources and speak effectively to people about giving her money to help the poor.  She saw everyone she contacted as the Christ, and she kept going until she got the result.  That is compassion, combined with clarity and commitment, in service to others.  That is spiritual practice.

What if Mother Teresa had just sympathized with the poor of Calcutta?  What if she had felt very sad about them and talked about them with her friends over lattes, but rejected any real action because the scope of the problem was so large?  Or because going around asking people for money wasn’t “spiritual”?  Or because she didn’t want to rock the boat and question the system?  Or because she might be uncomfortable, embarrassed, or rejected?

Instead, Mother Teresa became a force of nature.  She sold her vision, raised a great deal of money, and made the world a better place because she was in it.  You can do those things, on as large a scale as you please.

How Are You Called To Sell What Matters To You?

This is Pat Sullivan again, the usual author of this blog. Even if we don’t have to sell a product or service in order to make a living, we’re always selling.  At the least, we have to sell ourselves on saying yes to exercise, no to un-nurturing food; yes to patience and thoughtfulness, no to the latest fear-mongering “news” or excess consumerism; yes to real pleasures that enrich our lives, no to cruelty or titillation that hurt others and take us away from who we really are.

There’s so much in Carol’s quote to ponder.  What could you envision to benefit yourself and others if you anchored into your most authentic self and listened to what your heart and soul are saying right now?  What courage would you find to move from just feeling sorry for the pain in the world to action that enriches you as well as others?

If selling is part of your paid work, what can you learn here about selling from your heart and soul?  Will it require you to say no to selling what is not true and moving on, even if it costs you a well-paying job now?  Will it require you to have more courage, if you are selling products of services with true value, so you can connect compassionately and respectfully with those who need just what you have to offer?

I’m very grateful to Carol for introducing me to the concept of selling as a spiritual practice. To me that means I can only sell that which I know to be anchored in integrity, serving a useful purpose, and offering joy or at least the alleviation of suffering.  And it means I can only sell in a way that is anchored in integrity, authentic, and purposeful.

What does it mean to you?  What tips do you have for people like me who are just learning to do this, and who want to sell with more integrity, purpose and the capacity for joy?

As always, many blessings to you, and your comments are most welcome.

Pat McHenry Sullivan

1.    When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to see new options, discover new allies or resources.
2.    When you’re away from home, trying new things, meeting new people, your perspective broadens.

3.    When you’re away from irritating people at work, it’s easier to have compassion for them.  Nothing facilitates creativity and wisdom about how to deal with irritating people better than compassion.

4.    Vacation offers time to try new spiritual practices and turn them into new habits.

5.    As stress melts on vacation, it’s easier to see more clearly what matters to you and what doesn’t.  This sets the stage for visions and plans that support your values.

6.    Vacations can help you see more clearly the wonder and beauty of the universe.

7.    Vacations help you remember how essential laughter and play are to your entire body, mind and spirit.

Vacations Can Be a Great Catalyst for New Work Visions

It’s as if, while on vacation, you turn off your inner radio station that won’t shut up with the negative self-talk. Instead, you’re more receptive to the quieter, more profound messages from your heart and soul.

While walking up Ben Lomond in Scotland many years ago, I thought of my plans to apply for graduate school in urban planning when I returned.  Halfway up the hill, a quiet, inner voice said, “you know you’d rather study bioenergetics and other human potential disciplines.”  Immediately, I felt the truth of that thought throughout my body — though I had never consciously considered this path. Thankfully, it has led to my true life’s work, which now focuses on the full integration of spirit, body, and mind in life and in work and business.

Vacation Rituals and Prayers Can Have a Long-term Effect

Many people have told me that they do simple rituals like this one:  carry or pick up two stones or shells as you wander into the woods or on a beach.  Into one stone imagine putting all your frustrations about work.  When you feel empty and free enough to enjoy your vacation, leave the stone in the woods, or toss it into the sea with a prayer that you can always stay free of tension or worry, or whatever else you wish to release.

Into the other stone, imagine putting the essence of all the goodness you find on vacation … the joy of just lying in the grass perhaps, and watching the clouds shift, new perspectives and ideas, or the fun of trying something new.

I love to meditate on vacation with the question:  “what wisdom and insights can I bring from vacation to my everyday life?”

I particularly love this simple affirmative prayer:  Here in this relaxed setting, I easily see how my work and life can be more relaxed.  I gratefully welcome new ideas and visions for my work and life.

How can vacation mind help transform your workday reality?

As always, feel free to comment below.

Many blessings, Pat McHenry Sullivan

Just what is the work of our lives?

As babies our basic work includes learning to live in this world.  To crawl and eventually to toddle, then finally to walk and run.  To learn to communicate with others and to express ourselves.

Each year, the work of our lives grows bigger: to discover who we are and what matters most to us.  To find our way in this amazing universe.  To become self-responsible.  To balance conflicting needs and desires within ourselves (wanting to feel and be healthy vs. cravings for French fries and malted milkshakes) and with others (the need for self-expression versus the rights of others for privacy).  To learn how to live with gusto even when life is hard; eventually, how to die with grace, dignity, and as much consciousness as we can muster.

When life works, we bring the work of our life into our paid work, thus bringing the best of ourselves into every aspect of work, and vice versa.  Thus, as we learn to deal with issues around a boss, for instance, we learn to deal with similar issues in our lives.  As we discover more about who we are in a marriage or friendship, we are better able to have meaningful and effective workplace relationships.

Whoever we are, wherever we are, we always have the work of learning, growing, serving, and stretching.  Whether you’re being paid as a teacher of mathematics or patiently helping a grandchild learn how to drive safely, you’re engaged in the wondrous act of not only helping to pass on skills, but more importantly to help your student develop as a caring, competent person in all of life.

New Series:  LifeworkStories

In this blog, I have featured stories of many people who bring the best of their spirit and everyday life to work.  I’ll continue to do so.  Beginning today, I’m launching  regular stories from people who bring spirit to the work of everyday life, with a touching post by Tom Ratcliffe. http://spiritworkandmoney.com/let%E2%80%99s-preserve-the-senior-citizen-generation-gap-lifework-guest-post-by-tom-ratcliff/ For ease of finding these stories as their numbers grow, they will be tagged as “Worklife stories.”  Your submissions are welcome; send an e-mail to visionpat at aol [dot] com and put “Worklife Stories” in  the subject line.  (E-mails without this subject line or “no subject” may not be opened.)  As always, your comments are welcome.  Just click on the comments link below.

Very best wishes,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Copyright 2010 by Pat McHenry Sullivan

I am sure my son’s generation will do just fine (as long as their mothers follow them all through life picking up after them). It’s just how we go about getting there that’s a lot different. I was taught to plan, prepare and perform (in other words – Git-er done!) My son thinks it should be done either by mom, dad someone else, or later on after his buddies go home.

Then, There’s My Father’s Generation.

My Father passed away several years ago, but I could never keep up with him. He worked 8 to 10 hours a day after he retired (and he didn’t need to work) but the simple truth is Dad enjoyed working.

Work to my Dad was his spiritual tonic. He was more in touch with Life when he was building or repairing something. He also enjoyed helping a neighbor, friend or even a stranger who wasn’t as skilled as him. Dad never, ever bragged about his accomplishments.  He simply was a “doer” and not a talker. If something needed done he did it.

When we went on vacation and stayed in the same an old apartment year after year Dad would go around and repair whatever needed fixing … yep, no kidding.  Mrs. McCool, the owner, used to chuckle and say, “Thanks Les. Where were you 40 years ago when I was looking for a good husband?”

I guess dad measured his worth by his daily work output. Dad’s generation was raised by Great Depression parents and everyone had to work and earn as much as possible just to survive.

That’s why I believe it is healthy to have the senior citizen generation available to the younger generation.

There’s a lot of valuable information and inspiration to be shared between the two of them.  I talk to seniors in assisted living facilities and nursing homes who would love an opportunity to share their stories. I hope more sons and grandsons, daughters and granddaughters take their children to visit an elder relative stuck at home or in a senior care center so they too can develop a relationship and share each other’s precious moments.

Tom Ratcliff

Tom Ratcliff is the co-founder of the National Senior Living Providers Network www.NSLPN.com, an online community for senior care professionals. Tom’s favorite pastime is reading or writing about the personal side of Senior Living. “I have fond memories of my father and grandfather. I always admired their sense of humility and their commitment to providing a helping hand to neighbors, friends and strangers as well.”

copyright 2010 by Tom Ratcliff

But what if you could turn the outrageousness of the bankrobbing suggestion into a catalyst for absolutely ethical client-building or job-finding strategies? Here’s one set of tips you could discover with quick brainstorming questions.

Why rob a bank?  Because that’s where the big money is right now.

Why not rob a bank?  Everyone’s property, health, comfort and safety matter to you.  Your conscience and self-respect matter to you.

What does it take to rob a bank:  Audacity.  Careful planning.  Reliable sidekicks.  Not worrying about what others think.

What lessons can you take from bankrobbers to meet your financial needs in a way that’s absolutely ethical?

The first thing, of course, is to turn around the answer of why not rob a bank, and consider, “how can I support others’ property, health, comfort and/or safety so much that people will be grateful to hand me money in exchange for my goods or services?”  That’s going to take some research and careful planning.  You can do that!

Next, turn the rest of the bank-robbing strategies above into ethical ones.

1.  Go where the biggest money is. Example:  even if you need money fast because the unemployment is running out, don’t depend solely on temp agencies, like everyone else does.  Create a great spiel and sell your own temporary services at a higher price than the agency would pay you, but less than clients would pay an agency.  It may take a lot of calls, but it’s worth it.

2. Be audacious, beginning with brainstorming. Most of us censor out our best ideas way before even one good one hits consciousness. “Playing bankrobber” for a few minutes may make you feel daring enough to relax that censor.  Just for fun, get wildly creative as  you practice your spiel or draft a cover letter. Then rein in the outrageousness a bit so you can find that right mix of creative and sensible, daring and dependable.

3.  Plan carefully. Learn the habits of your target employer or market.  Know what keeps them up at night, what saves them money or time.  Research where they hang out and how they like to get information.  Network to discover someone who knows someone who has a personal connection into the market or company you want to penetrate. If your potential customers don’t read flyers or even beautifully designed bulletin board notices, don’t waste your time or money on them.

4.  Get some reliable sidekicks who can help you network, stay on track, brainstorm ideas, commiserate and celebrate. I love the Hub www.the-hub.net, a rapidly growing international network of people who love to help others create sustainable, socially responsible businesses.  If it’s not in your town yet, see what else is, or create your own.  A woman I know just created a great new group by putting an ad on Craigslist. Six committed heads who bring their laptops along to brainstorming and support sessions really are better than one.

5.  Stop worrying so much what others think. After hearing Dizzy Dean’s comment that “it ain’t bragging if it’s true,” I ignore a lot of “Patty, stop making a spectacle of yourself” voices from childhood and focus on “what does the client really want?” Then, I consider, “what can I offer this potential client?”  One of my favorite gigs came from adding a paragraph to my cover letter that began, “If this were my dream job.” It listed not just how I might meet their listed needs, but also some of their anticipated needs that came from my own meditation about what it would be like to work for the client.

6.  Finally, have fun. Again, I am absolutely opposed to anything unethical.  Yet, I love a good, non-violent caper movie, like the classic “Topkapi,” starring starring Melin Mercouri, Peter Ustinov, Robert Morley and others who cleverly seek to steal a priceless emerald-loaded dagger.  If you put even 1/10 as much daring and creativity in your search for ethical, quick money as this gang of thieves put into their jewel heist, how might you discover a new path to money, both quick and long-term?

Got any examples in your life to share?  Got a specific problem you’d like others to brainstorm for you?  The comment box below awaits you.

As always, many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Fortunately, you can learn much of what you need to know about purpose-finding and marketing strategy from a 99 cent box of Trader Joe’s tissue.

Every Aspect of the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box is a Purpose and Marketing Role Model

If you don’t have a box of Trader Joe’s Tissues in front of you, click here for pictures of everything but the bottom panel.

Notice the quirky, fun design. Notice how you feel as you read each side panel message. “I’m here for you when you need to pick up icky things … you’re sick, …you’re sad … run out of toilet paper,” followed by Tissue’s signature, like “you’re welcome, Tissue.”

Notice the friendly reminder at the top of the box (like something Mama would have said when you still listened) not to leave Tissue in your pocket when you do the laundry.

Purposeful Marketing (Not Advertising) Makes Trader Joe’s a “Firm of Endearment”

“You know me better than most of my relatives do.  You care about what matters to me and the world we live in.”  That’s how I feel every time I walk into Trader Joe’s.  So many others concur and love spreading the word about how cool it is to shop there.

You can’t buy authentic endorsements like that.  But you can develop happy customers who are happy to spread your good word, according to the book Firms of Endearment, you start by caring not just about stockholder returns and CEO pay but also about all stakeholders.  Or as Firms of Endearment authors David B. Wolfe, Jagdish N. Sheth, Rajendra S. Sisodia call it , SPICE:  Society (including the earth), Partners, Investors, Customers, and Employees.

As a Firm of Endearment, you’ll undoubtedly pay your CEO’s and upper managers way less than the norm while paying employees and lower managers way more. You’ll spend little on advertising, lots on community and customer service. Not surprisingly, you’ll have astounding employee and vendor loyalty, so they’ll stick with you in hard times and help create much more profit than the norm.

Trader Joe Tissues Tips for Becoming a Firm (or Nonprofit Agency) of Endearment

Here are some tips my business planning clients and I have created:

1.    Enlist customers, donors, employees, future employees, and others to help you brainstorm all the ways you can truly say, “We’re here for you when…”

2.    Be authentic. My husband, who provides personal services for busy people, is there for you when you when you want to free up time for more important things … you want to be better organized … you want your animals cared for when you are away.

John’s also there for you when you want something translated into and out of Latin.  He doesn’t get many Latin gigs, but this service tells others that he’s intelligent, he’s willing to study things well, and he’s got a sense of humor.

3.    Be specific and focused. If we’re not careful, we overload a message with “this is how I do it” statements” or “this is the story of how I discovered this” or just too many sentences, all loaded with clause after clause after clause.  Boring!

4.     Know What Matters Most to People You Want to Serve. In business, it’s called marketing research.  Miss Manners might call it getting to know someone.  So, meet with current or potential clients.  Discover what matters to them, how they express what matters, where they hang out, and so on.  Listen at least 6 times as much as you speak.  Then listen some more.

5.      Walk your Values Talk; Talk the Values You Walk Without Proselytizing. On the bottom of the Trader Joe’s box (not pictured on the link above) an 1890′s woman tells her man how she can make him feel better by accepting her offer of a Trader Joe’s tissue.  The statement that the product is 100% recycled, and no chlorine bleach was use in making the tissues simply states values that are important to the Trader Joe’s crowd.

What Can You Learn from the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box?

Over the next few weeks, discover how some friends and colleagues are being inspired to clarify their purpose and do better marketing. Now, here’s a challenge:  how much more clear could your purpose be, how much more juicy and fun could your marketing be if you let the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box inspire you?

As always, many blessings, and please add your comments below,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

What to do?  Perhaps its time to take a closer look at starting your own business.

Small business is actually the backbone of America.

According to the Small Business Administration (SBA),  small firms generate 60% to 80% of all new jobs.  For almost every one of the last 10 years, the birth rate of small businesses has exceeded their death rate, while for large firms the death rate has been greater than their birth rate.

Small business expert and author Pat McHenry Sullivan has been counseling potential entrepreneurs for more than 15 years.  Through her workshops and individual consultations, she has helped hundreds of people write business plans which launched successful and satisfying enterprises.  I asked her assessment of the current economic times.  My questions are in bold; Pat’s answers are in italics.

Is this a good time to start a new business?

If you have the need now, and the passion now, and your products or services are needed now, then now is the time to do it.  Historically, many of the most enduring and profitable businesses began in an economic downturn. Starting to explore by writing a business plan can be valuable for 3 reasons: a) to see if your idea is feasible; b) to discover the best ways to turn your idea into reality, including having a clear vision of your market and how you can best serve them; and c) discerning whether or not you really want to follow your fully-fleshed business idea.  Also, if you start planning now, you will be ready to launch or expand when the economy improves.

Where is the opportunity in this chaos and suffering?

Right now, you can get terrific deals on work space, great employees, etc.  Friends, family, and potential business partners who are also unemployed have more time to brainstorm with you. And you may have more time to see more clearly who you are and what you want to do with you life now that you are free of the daily grind.

What is the new economic framework?  How is it different from the old which nearly brought the collapse of our whole economy?

A lot remains to be seen, especially if Obama can lead a return to solid regulation of the banking and financial industry.  Here are some trends that affect everyone:

• People are saving more, buying less, so you need to be much clearer about what you offer, who needs it, and how they will benefit from what you sell.
• People are more concerned with value they can see and touch
• People  want something they can trust — which means they want more authentic communication from you.
• Traditional small business lending is way down, though it might ease over the next year; creativity and resourcefulness are required to overcome minimal capital.
• People want more ownership in the economy; many are shifting from the larger banks to community ones.

What are the new rules that can rebuild our lives and the economy?

The more your business is anchored in your deepest values, the more solid—and successful—it will be. Here are some ways to do that:

• Cooperate more with others — e.g., build alliances with people you might think of as competitors; look for win-win solutions everywhere.
• Think respectfulness with clients and employees — this will draw and keep them with you, and not cause legal or other problems.
• Know and live your values in everything.  Do what you say, say what you do.
• Take full responsibility for your own choices.
• Build sustainability into your company.  Look for role models, support, and practical tips in the Business Alliance for Local Living Economies (BALLE).

Are you intrigued but a little timorous?  There are lots of places to reach out for help.

Comments from Ellen:  The SBA website is full of useful information, including a basic business plan outline.  SCORE is a national association whose purpose is to help small business owners form and grow their businesses.  SCORE has 364 chapters in the U.S.; their volunteers have been involved in all aspects of business.

You can also reach Pat Sullivan, President of Visionary Resources, at: visionpat@aol.com, 510-530-0284.  Her free webinar, “Inspired Strategy: How to Turn a Vision into A Practical Plan,” given Feb 10 through the William & Mary Alumni Association, is archived at https://www.wmalumni.com/?Webinarhome.

This interview by Ellen Augustine, M.A., originally appeared in the Bedford Ohio Standard on January 29, 2010 and is reprinted with permission.  Ellen is a speaker and author on national currents and the emerging sustainable economy. She may be reached at ellenaugustine@earthlink.net, 510-428-1832, www.storiesofhope.us.

Comments!  Please add your tips, questions and resources.

The Olympics are about so much more than winning or the feelings that go into it.

For me it’s about doing one’s very best after many years of focused practice and extreme dedication. It’s about the ability to be centered enough to perform at one’s peak in front of the world watching. It’s about the drive and passion to be the best we can be at something and going after it. It’s about the ability to perform with precision despite any pain or obstacles that get in the way. And these lessons are applicable to all of us, including the spiritual practices that we can bring to our work, money and other important matters.

My friend Marilyn King was an Olympic pentathlon athlete. About 6 months before the Moscow Olympics she was in a bad car accident and was hospitalized for months. Rather than give up her Olympic dream, she watched videos constantly of other pentathlon athletes performing at their peak and very consciously visualized doing the same.

Although she only had a few months of actual practice time before the Olympics, she placed second. Her practice of visualization was a powerful tool of success.

Marilyn then applied her Olympian wisdom to peacebuilding and education in a process she calls Olympian Thinking.   Her formula is passion (source of energy and creativity), plus vision (crystal clear images of goal), plus action (everything I do in alignment with vision) equals exceptional human performance (ordinary people doing extraordinary things).

What lessons can we derive from the Olympics for the workplace?

1. Strive for excellence - Excellence doesn’t mean perfection, rather the ability to focus and care deeply about our work to do the best we can. Striving for excellence motivates us; striving for perfection is demoralizing. We all make mistakes, but the opportunity is to learn from them and not repeat them. Excellence takes time, hard work, patience, practice and commitment. It doesn’t mean settling for just good enough.
2. Vision - In order to excel in something, we need to be clear where we’re going, what we want to do well. What drives us? What are we passionate about? It’s hard to excel if our heart is not in what we’re doing. Find what has heart and meaning and go for it.
3. Ask for Help or Guidance – All Olympic athletes have coaches – people who work with them, oversee their training, encourage them and keep them on track. We can’t do it alone. If we don’t understand something or are confused or overwhelmed, we need to be able to ask for help or guidance. Consider hiring a coach or finding a mentor.
4. The 3 C’s – Courage, Creativity and Commitment – Athletes don’t make it to the Olympics by being wimps. It takes tremendous courage and commitment to stretch beyond their limits and practice over and over, even when they are exhausted, until they achieve their personal best. It takes creativity to keep trying new routines (ice skating), faster runs (skiing) or new strokes (swimming) until they discover the best, fastest and most creative they can be. Do you practice the 3C’s in your work?
5. Ensure you have the right practical tools - We can never excel if we don’t have the right tools for the job. If you have an older computer, not enough staff, outdated software, need for training, slow internet, etc, be sure you take steps to upgrade. Yes, these cost money upfront, but in the long run save you time and money and enable you to get the job done. Prepare a brief proposal to your boss and explain why upgrading makes sense. Don’t waste time with outdated tools.
6. Don’t forget your spiritual tools! This blog is filled with spiritual tools and practices that can be applied to any task.  Just click on the “Spiritual Practices” category near the bottom of the categories list.
7. Use visualization - See yourself doing what you love at your very best. What does it look and feel like? Remember how Marilyn King used visualization to help her succeed in the Olympics. Use it for yourself.

What is your passion? Your personal best? Where do you excel?

Are you using Olympian thinking to combine your passion with your vision and action to achieve your best? If not, try it.

In peace,

Kim

Kimberly Weichel is a social pioneer, educator, author and specialist in global communications, leadership and peacebuilding. She is co-author of “Healing the Heart of the World” and director of the Institute for Peacebuilding.  www.kimweichel.org.

So, how do you safeguard all your relationships in these economically trying times?

Firstly, make sure you are communicating.

As a couples therapist, I encourage my clients to be honest with each other about what is going on at work and with finances even if it is difficult. Many men struggle with the imperative “be a provider” and worry if their ability to “bring home the bacon” is threatened, then they are a failure. This is far from the truth, but if you hide your struggles from your partner, the fallout will be greater than some feelings of shame.

Have you ever hidden money problems from your partner? It’ll bite you.

At work, communication is just as important.  Nothing is worse than not knowing what is going on.  Ask questions and don’t spread rumors.  Keep each other up to date without exaggerating or being a worrier.  Stick to the serenity prayer.  Meditate.

Next, work as a team with your partner.

This is not the time to bury your head in the sand and let your loved one take care of it all. Get aware of what is coming in, what is due, and what is saved. That way you and your partner can make sound decisions. Ask each other for opinions or ideas; you never know what another point of view will bring to the table. Respect your partner with the belief they truly can function as a partner.

Team spirit isn’t just for cheerleaders and sports in school.  At work, a sense of shared commitment and direction will help you and your co-workers weather tough times- even financial.  If anyone feels alone, hung out to dry, or disconnected, you’ll lose out on important support.  Help create team spirit even if your bosses don’t:  talk up the mission, the real goals, and what you see as truly important about what you all do.

How else can you help each other pull through financial strains?

Support your partner and ask for support even if it is difficult. Both of you are probably stressed about the whole deal; this means you can empathize. It also means there are times when you speak and times when you listen. I have a couple who both are struggling- her customer numbers have fallen, and his venture business is not taking off. Sometimes she needs to talk, to just have him listen- he’s recently learned how important this skill is, and he’s practicing. In return, she has learned to not constantly bug him about his business and what he’s doing about it; she realized he’s working hard and can’t control it all. Both of them are creating healing moments with these decisions, and it helps them get through.

The same is true at work.  Sometimes your coworkers need to talk to be heard, other times they need feedback and suggestions.  Make sure you clarify your role in the discussion.  If you need either of these things, make sure your listener knows your expectation.  I do also suggest you stay away from constant griping and sniping; they both sap the spirit and energy out of you.  If you find yourself (or another person) falling into the snipe/gripe trap, ask, “What are you going to do to change what you can about it?”

What is the number one thing you can do?

Realize the finance climate is affecting all of you. Be kind to one another, support each other, give encouraging words to partner and colleagues, and hug your partner often.

Today’s courageous work:

1.    Talk with your partner about finances. Make sure you both are clear where you stand and what the plans are (current and backup.) Ask each other what each wants in relation to money problems (ideas, plans, an open ear.)
2.    Create a sense of positive energy and team spirit in your workplace with open communication, good listening, and a lack of snipe/gripe.
3.    Communicate, be a team, support one another, and realize you all are affected.

Kim Leatherdale LPC is the Happy Couple Expert.  She regularly shares easy tips and useful information  at http://creatingrewardingrelationships.blogspot.com/

She also offers video, phone, email, and in-office counseling sessions for couples and individuals; contact her via her blog profile.  Follow her on Twitter- HappyCoupleXprt- for fun quotes and hints.

Even when I was very young, I knew that my dad had gone successfully through several huge ethical fogs.  Several years before Dad met my mom, he turned down an unethical but lucrative job at the height of the great depression.  When I was just six months old, he blew a whistle on his powerful embezzling boss, a college president. Four years later, soon after Dad’s testimony helped send the boss to jail, Dad turned down another lucrative but unethical job at a social service agency.

As a child, of course, I didn’t understand the full impact of these stories. As an adult, I got enough details about whistleblowing and its impact to fill a book.

In the end, Dad’s only regret  was that no one had stopped the president when the wrongdoing was small, by saying simply, “No, Dr. Meadows, you can’t do that.”  Over the years, I also learned a lot about the stress of Dad’s whistleblowing on our family, and I healed.

What was left after the forgiveness and healing were some very powerful life lessons in basic integrity.  May they also serve you.

Integrity Tip 1:  Discover And Strengthen Your Integrity Signals

Each of us has a set of unique signals that let us know when we’re in or out of integrity, whether we call those signals our North Star, our touch stone, our inner compass.  Or my favorite, which I learned in Dad’s shop, the level and plumb which have helped carpenters build on true and on the level for over 5,000 years.

For Dad, moral disgust was visceral, like the feeling of being kicked in the gut when he realized what that his boss was embezzling. We once talked about the feeing of moral uplift — that warm feeling you may get in the upper chest in the presence of goodness–or the quiet buzz I sometimes get in the upper back, when you know things are on true or on the level.

Integrity Tip 2: Feed and Exercise Your “Integrity Muscle”

Dad often got integrity guidance from intuition or memories.  The first time Dad was offered an unethical job, he was helping to tear down an old, unsafe bridge when the boss offered to cut him in on a deal to paint the old parts to look like new, then underbid other contractors on a job in another county.

Standing along on what was left of the old bridge, Dad felt a moment of temptation.   “With so many people going bankrupt,” he thought, “you could even help your mama buy the farm she’s always wanted.” Just then a Canada goose flew close by.  It eyeballed Dad and seemed to say, “You know you’re got to do the right thing.”

For the first time in his career, Dad lost his footing. As he scrambled for balance, he imagined crashing onto the rocks below, then being swept down the rapids to death or severe injury. That’s when he remembered Psalm 121, which he had memorized as a child:  “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  My help is in the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

The psalm then promised that God would not allow him to stumble or fall, that he would be guarded from evil, “both now and forever.” That helped him regain his footing and affirm his refusal to be part of corruption.

Integrity Tip No. 3:  Don’t Stand Naively Alone When You It’s Your Turn to Speak Out

Dad was lucky to have the support of several other faculty members who also blew the whistle.  A local politician connected him to the State Bureau of Investigation, and after the third try, he got the support of a great lawyer to protect himself. Dad also prayed a lot.

Whistleblowers have a lot more support today, starting with the Government Accountability Project (www.whistleblower.org). If Dad were speaking out today, he could benefit from a great therapist who understands how to alleviate stress.

And if you don’t already know how to document key information, get an attorney to teach you what you need to record and how to do it.  Assume that once you’ve spoken out, people who now seem like friends may be offered huge incentives to deny what they now admit is the truth. So get that truth in writing, before you go public.

Integrity Tip No. 4:  Don’t Take on Too Much.

Too many whistleblowers become obsessed with fixing the whole problem, winning a personal vendetta or being a martyr.  I grew up with inflated notions of all I thought I had to do to live in integrity, given my idealized image of my father.

My best ally here has been Rhena Schweitzer Miller, daughter of my lifetime hero, Albert Schweitzer.  While interviewing her once, I got the image that it’s possible to wear a powerful parental legacy or a calling as lightly as one wears a chiffon scarf.  Another ally is my minister, Rev. Dr. Patricia Keel, to seek guidance on what is mine to do, what is not.  To the extent I have courage to do that which really calls me and ignore my ego’s demand that I do something grand, I’m more likely to be in integrity.  I also get to have a great life while doing what’s I know to be right, because part of being in integrity is being whole and true to myself.

So what about you?  What stories and resources help you know, stay in or return to integrity?  What tips can you offer from your life or role models?

As always, many blessings

Pat McHenry Sullivan