1.    When you’re relaxed, it’s easier to see new options, discover new allies or resources.
2.    When you’re away from home, trying new things, meeting new people, your perspective broadens.

3.    When you’re away from irritating people at work, it’s easier to have compassion for them.  Nothing facilitates creativity and wisdom about how to deal with irritating people better than compassion.

4.    Vacation offers time to try new spiritual practices and turn them into new habits.

5.    As stress melts on vacation, it’s easier to see more clearly what matters to you and what doesn’t.  This sets the stage for visions and plans that support your values.

6.    Vacations can help you see more clearly the wonder and beauty of the universe.

7.    Vacations help you remember how essential laughter and play are to your entire body, mind and spirit.

Vacations Can Be a Great Catalyst for New Work Visions

It’s as if, while on vacation, you turn off your inner radio station that won’t shut up with the negative self-talk. Instead, you’re more receptive to the quieter, more profound messages from your heart and soul.

While walking up Ben Lomond in Scotland many years ago, I thought of my plans to apply for graduate school in urban planning when I returned.  Halfway up the hill, a quiet, inner voice said, “you know you’d rather study bioenergetics and other human potential disciplines.”  Immediately, I felt the truth of that thought throughout my body — though I had never consciously considered this path. Thankfully, it has led to my true life’s work, which now focuses on the full integration of spirit, body, and mind in life and in work and business.

Vacation Rituals and Prayers Can Have a Long-term Effect

Many people have told me that they do simple rituals like this one:  carry or pick up two stones or shells as you wander into the woods or on a beach.  Into one stone imagine putting all your frustrations about work.  When you feel empty and free enough to enjoy your vacation, leave the stone in the woods, or toss it into the sea with a prayer that you can always stay free of tension or worry, or whatever else you wish to release.

Into the other stone, imagine putting the essence of all the goodness you find on vacation … the joy of just lying in the grass perhaps, and watching the clouds shift, new perspectives and ideas, or the fun of trying something new.

I love to meditate on vacation with the question:  “what wisdom and insights can I bring from vacation to my everyday life?”

I particularly love this simple affirmative prayer:  Here in this relaxed setting, I easily see how my work and life can be more relaxed.  I gratefully welcome new ideas and visions for my work and life.

How can vacation mind help transform your workday reality?

As always, feel free to comment below.

Many blessings, Pat McHenry Sullivan

Just what is the work of our lives?

As babies our basic work includes learning to live in this world.  To crawl and eventually to toddle, then finally to walk and run.  To learn to communicate with others and to express ourselves.

Each year, the work of our lives grows bigger: to discover who we are and what matters most to us.  To find our way in this amazing universe.  To become self-responsible.  To balance conflicting needs and desires within ourselves (wanting to feel and be healthy vs. cravings for French fries and malted milkshakes) and with others (the need for self-expression versus the rights of others for privacy).  To learn how to live with gusto even when life is hard; eventually, how to die with grace, dignity, and as much consciousness as we can muster.

When life works, we bring the work of our life into our paid work, thus bringing the best of ourselves into every aspect of work, and vice versa.  Thus, as we learn to deal with issues around a boss, for instance, we learn to deal with similar issues in our lives.  As we discover more about who we are in a marriage or friendship, we are better able to have meaningful and effective workplace relationships.

Whoever we are, wherever we are, we always have the work of learning, growing, serving, and stretching.  Whether you’re being paid as a teacher of mathematics or patiently helping a grandchild learn how to drive safely, you’re engaged in the wondrous act of not only helping to pass on skills, but more importantly to help your student develop as a caring, competent person in all of life.

New Series:  LifeworkStories

In this blog, I have featured stories of many people who bring the best of their spirit and everyday life to work.  I’ll continue to do so.  Beginning today, I’m launching  regular stories from people who bring spirit to the work of everyday life, with a touching post by Tom Ratcliffe. http://spiritworkandmoney.com/let%E2%80%99s-preserve-the-senior-citizen-generation-gap-lifework-guest-post-by-tom-ratcliff/ For ease of finding these stories as their numbers grow, they will be tagged as “Worklife stories.”  Your submissions are welcome; send an e-mail to visionpat at aol [dot] com and put “Worklife Stories” in  the subject line.  (E-mails without this subject line or “no subject” may not be opened.)  As always, your comments are welcome.  Just click on the comments link below.

Very best wishes,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Copyright 2010 by Pat McHenry Sullivan

I am sure my son’s generation will do just fine (as long as their mothers follow them all through life picking up after them). It’s just how we go about getting there that’s a lot different. I was taught to plan, prepare and perform (in other words – Git-er done!) My son thinks it should be done either by mom, dad someone else, or later on after his buddies go home.

Then, There’s My Father’s Generation.

My Father passed away several years ago, but I could never keep up with him. He worked 8 to 10 hours a day after he retired (and he didn’t need to work) but the simple truth is Dad enjoyed working.

Work to my Dad was his spiritual tonic. He was more in touch with Life when he was building or repairing something. He also enjoyed helping a neighbor, friend or even a stranger who wasn’t as skilled as him. Dad never, ever bragged about his accomplishments.  He simply was a “doer” and not a talker. If something needed done he did it.

When we went on vacation and stayed in the same an old apartment year after year Dad would go around and repair whatever needed fixing … yep, no kidding.  Mrs. McCool, the owner, used to chuckle and say, “Thanks Les. Where were you 40 years ago when I was looking for a good husband?”

I guess dad measured his worth by his daily work output. Dad’s generation was raised by Great Depression parents and everyone had to work and earn as much as possible just to survive.

That’s why I believe it is healthy to have the senior citizen generation available to the younger generation.

There’s a lot of valuable information and inspiration to be shared between the two of them.  I talk to seniors in assisted living facilities and nursing homes who would love an opportunity to share their stories. I hope more sons and grandsons, daughters and granddaughters take their children to visit an elder relative stuck at home or in a senior care center so they too can develop a relationship and share each other’s precious moments.

Tom Ratcliff

Tom Ratcliff is the co-founder of the National Senior Living Providers Network www.NSLPN.com, an online community for senior care professionals. Tom’s favorite pastime is reading or writing about the personal side of Senior Living. “I have fond memories of my father and grandfather. I always admired their sense of humility and their commitment to providing a helping hand to neighbors, friends and strangers as well.”

copyright 2010 by Tom Ratcliff

But what if you could turn the outrageousness of the bankrobbing suggestion into a catalyst for absolutely ethical client-building or job-finding strategies? Here’s one set of tips you could discover with quick brainstorming questions.

Why rob a bank?  Because that’s where the big money is right now.

Why not rob a bank?  Everyone’s property, health, comfort and safety matter to you.  Your conscience and self-respect matter to you.

What does it take to rob a bank:  Audacity.  Careful planning.  Reliable sidekicks.  Not worrying about what others think.

What lessons can you take from bankrobbers to meet your financial needs in a way that’s absolutely ethical?

The first thing, of course, is to turn around the answer of why not rob a bank, and consider, “how can I support others’ property, health, comfort and/or safety so much that people will be grateful to hand me money in exchange for my goods or services?”  That’s going to take some research and careful planning.  You can do that!

Next, turn the rest of the bank-robbing strategies above into ethical ones.

1.  Go where the biggest money is. Example:  even if you need money fast because the unemployment is running out, don’t depend solely on temp agencies, like everyone else does.  Create a great spiel and sell your own temporary services at a higher price than the agency would pay you, but less than clients would pay an agency.  It may take a lot of calls, but it’s worth it.

2. Be audacious, beginning with brainstorming. Most of us censor out our best ideas way before even one good one hits consciousness. “Playing bankrobber” for a few minutes may make you feel daring enough to relax that censor.  Just for fun, get wildly creative as  you practice your spiel or draft a cover letter. Then rein in the outrageousness a bit so you can find that right mix of creative and sensible, daring and dependable.

3.  Plan carefully. Learn the habits of your target employer or market.  Know what keeps them up at night, what saves them money or time.  Research where they hang out and how they like to get information.  Network to discover someone who knows someone who has a personal connection into the market or company you want to penetrate. If your potential customers don’t read flyers or even beautifully designed bulletin board notices, don’t waste your time or money on them.

4.  Get some reliable sidekicks who can help you network, stay on track, brainstorm ideas, commiserate and celebrate. I love the Hub www.the-hub.net, a rapidly growing international network of people who love to help others create sustainable, socially responsible businesses.  If it’s not in your town yet, see what else is, or create your own.  A woman I know just created a great new group by putting an ad on Craigslist. Six committed heads who bring their laptops along to brainstorming and support sessions really are better than one.

5.  Stop worrying so much what others think. After hearing Dizzy Dean’s comment that “it ain’t bragging if it’s true,” I ignore a lot of “Patty, stop making a spectacle of yourself” voices from childhood and focus on “what does the client really want?” Then, I consider, “what can I offer this potential client?”  One of my favorite gigs came from adding a paragraph to my cover letter that began, “If this were my dream job.” It listed not just how I might meet their listed needs, but also some of their anticipated needs that came from my own meditation about what it would be like to work for the client.

6.  Finally, have fun. Again, I am absolutely opposed to anything unethical.  Yet, I love a good, non-violent caper movie, like the classic “Topkapi,” starring starring Melin Mercouri, Peter Ustinov, Robert Morley and others who cleverly seek to steal a priceless emerald-loaded dagger.  If you put even 1/10 as much daring and creativity in your search for ethical, quick money as this gang of thieves put into their jewel heist, how might you discover a new path to money, both quick and long-term?

Got any examples in your life to share?  Got a specific problem you’d like others to brainstorm for you?  The comment box below awaits you.

As always, many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Fortunately, you can learn much of what you need to know about purpose-finding and marketing strategy from a 99 cent box of Trader Joe’s tissue.

Every Aspect of the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box is a Purpose and Marketing Role Model

If you don’t have a box of Trader Joe’s Tissues in front of you, click here for pictures of everything but the bottom panel.

Notice the quirky, fun design. Notice how you feel as you read each side panel message. “I’m here for you when you need to pick up icky things … you’re sick, …you’re sad … run out of toilet paper,” followed by Tissue’s signature, like “you’re welcome, Tissue.”

Notice the friendly reminder at the top of the box (like something Mama would have said when you still listened) not to leave Tissue in your pocket when you do the laundry.

Purposeful Marketing (Not Advertising) Makes Trader Joe’s a “Firm of Endearment”

“You know me better than most of my relatives do.  You care about what matters to me and the world we live in.”  That’s how I feel every time I walk into Trader Joe’s.  So many others concur and love spreading the word about how cool it is to shop there.

You can’t buy authentic endorsements like that.  But you can develop happy customers who are happy to spread your good word, according to the book Firms of Endearment, you start by caring not just about stockholder returns and CEO pay but also about all stakeholders.  Or as Firms of Endearment authors David B. Wolfe, Jagdish N. Sheth, Rajendra S. Sisodia call it , SPICE:  Society (including the earth), Partners, Investors, Customers, and Employees.

As a Firm of Endearment, you’ll undoubtedly pay your CEO’s and upper managers way less than the norm while paying employees and lower managers way more. You’ll spend little on advertising, lots on community and customer service. Not surprisingly, you’ll have astounding employee and vendor loyalty, so they’ll stick with you in hard times and help create much more profit than the norm.

Trader Joe Tissues Tips for Becoming a Firm (or Nonprofit Agency) of Endearment

Here are some tips my business planning clients and I have created:

1.    Enlist customers, donors, employees, future employees, and others to help you brainstorm all the ways you can truly say, “We’re here for you when…”

2.    Be authentic. My husband, who provides personal services for busy people, is there for you when you when you want to free up time for more important things … you want to be better organized … you want your animals cared for when you are away.

John’s also there for you when you want something translated into and out of Latin.  He doesn’t get many Latin gigs, but this service tells others that he’s intelligent, he’s willing to study things well, and he’s got a sense of humor.

3.    Be specific and focused. If we’re not careful, we overload a message with “this is how I do it” statements” or “this is the story of how I discovered this” or just too many sentences, all loaded with clause after clause after clause.  Boring!

4.     Know What Matters Most to People You Want to Serve. In business, it’s called marketing research.  Miss Manners might call it getting to know someone.  So, meet with current or potential clients.  Discover what matters to them, how they express what matters, where they hang out, and so on.  Listen at least 6 times as much as you speak.  Then listen some more.

5.      Walk your Values Talk; Talk the Values You Walk Without Proselytizing. On the bottom of the Trader Joe’s box (not pictured on the link above) an 1890′s woman tells her man how she can make him feel better by accepting her offer of a Trader Joe’s tissue.  The statement that the product is 100% recycled, and no chlorine bleach was use in making the tissues simply states values that are important to the Trader Joe’s crowd.

What Can You Learn from the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box?

Over the next few weeks, discover how some friends and colleagues are being inspired to clarify their purpose and do better marketing. Now, here’s a challenge:  how much more clear could your purpose be, how much more juicy and fun could your marketing be if you let the Trader Joe’s Tissue Box inspire you?

As always, many blessings, and please add your comments below,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

The Olympics are about so much more than winning or the feelings that go into it.

For me it’s about doing one’s very best after many years of focused practice and extreme dedication. It’s about the ability to be centered enough to perform at one’s peak in front of the world watching. It’s about the drive and passion to be the best we can be at something and going after it. It’s about the ability to perform with precision despite any pain or obstacles that get in the way. And these lessons are applicable to all of us, including the spiritual practices that we can bring to our work, money and other important matters.

My friend Marilyn King was an Olympic pentathlon athlete. About 6 months before the Moscow Olympics she was in a bad car accident and was hospitalized for months. Rather than give up her Olympic dream, she watched videos constantly of other pentathlon athletes performing at their peak and very consciously visualized doing the same.

Although she only had a few months of actual practice time before the Olympics, she placed second. Her practice of visualization was a powerful tool of success.

Marilyn then applied her Olympian wisdom to peacebuilding and education in a process she calls Olympian Thinking.   Her formula is passion (source of energy and creativity), plus vision (crystal clear images of goal), plus action (everything I do in alignment with vision) equals exceptional human performance (ordinary people doing extraordinary things).

What lessons can we derive from the Olympics for the workplace?

1. Strive for excellence - Excellence doesn’t mean perfection, rather the ability to focus and care deeply about our work to do the best we can. Striving for excellence motivates us; striving for perfection is demoralizing. We all make mistakes, but the opportunity is to learn from them and not repeat them. Excellence takes time, hard work, patience, practice and commitment. It doesn’t mean settling for just good enough.
2. Vision - In order to excel in something, we need to be clear where we’re going, what we want to do well. What drives us? What are we passionate about? It’s hard to excel if our heart is not in what we’re doing. Find what has heart and meaning and go for it.
3. Ask for Help or Guidance – All Olympic athletes have coaches – people who work with them, oversee their training, encourage them and keep them on track. We can’t do it alone. If we don’t understand something or are confused or overwhelmed, we need to be able to ask for help or guidance. Consider hiring a coach or finding a mentor.
4. The 3 C’s – Courage, Creativity and Commitment – Athletes don’t make it to the Olympics by being wimps. It takes tremendous courage and commitment to stretch beyond their limits and practice over and over, even when they are exhausted, until they achieve their personal best. It takes creativity to keep trying new routines (ice skating), faster runs (skiing) or new strokes (swimming) until they discover the best, fastest and most creative they can be. Do you practice the 3C’s in your work?
5. Ensure you have the right practical tools - We can never excel if we don’t have the right tools for the job. If you have an older computer, not enough staff, outdated software, need for training, slow internet, etc, be sure you take steps to upgrade. Yes, these cost money upfront, but in the long run save you time and money and enable you to get the job done. Prepare a brief proposal to your boss and explain why upgrading makes sense. Don’t waste time with outdated tools.
6. Don’t forget your spiritual tools! This blog is filled with spiritual tools and practices that can be applied to any task.  Just click on the “Spiritual Practices” category near the bottom of the categories list.
7. Use visualization - See yourself doing what you love at your very best. What does it look and feel like? Remember how Marilyn King used visualization to help her succeed in the Olympics. Use it for yourself.

What is your passion? Your personal best? Where do you excel?

Are you using Olympian thinking to combine your passion with your vision and action to achieve your best? If not, try it.

In peace,

Kim

Kimberly Weichel is a social pioneer, educator, author and specialist in global communications, leadership and peacebuilding. She is co-author of “Healing the Heart of the World” and director of the Institute for Peacebuilding.  www.kimweichel.org.

Almost all the people I told about the writing gig made what they thought was a joke:  “Whistleblowers?  Oh, you mean ratters? Snitches?  Stool pigeons?” Given my father’s story, and given the 95-5 odds that my mother’s early death from a rare illness was caused by the FDA’s lack of attentiveness to under-reported side effects of a popular prescription drug, it’s amazing I didn’t do bodily harm to those jokers.

Today, it’s still considered okay to slander whistleblowers, then wonder why more people don’t speak out to warn us about fraud, waste or abuse.  And there are many who are so focused on not being “negative thinkers” or buttinskies or poor team players that we become complicit in all types of wrongdoing.  Fortunately, there are a whole bunch of resources to help you tell truth to power and thrive and/or to support those who dare to speak on your behalf.

Why We Must Love Whistleblowers At Least Enough To Support Them

Think the only people who suffer when whistleblowers are quashed or retaliated against are just the whistleblowers, their friends or families (if they have friends or family who still speak to them after all the retaliation some suffer)?

Think again.  Since caveman times, we’ve needed people to warn us about fraud and dangers in our food, water supply, and protective services.  Today, as we rely on more goods and services from people we will never meet, we need whistleblowers even more.

If we don’t stop routinely ignoring or putting down people who expose wrongdoing, we just won’t have safer streets.  Safer medical care.  Safer economy.  Safer everything.

Imagine how many people would still have their homes and jobs if early truth-tellers about the housing bubble, Enron wrongdoings and Bernie Madoff were heeded and honored by groups that were supposed to be watching out for us, like the SEC?

Truth-Telling is a Basic Spiritual Practice

Almost every Old Testament Prophet story reports how scary it is to heed that call of “You want me to go where?  And say what to that powerful tyrant who has the power to kill me or at least make my life miserable?”

In those stories are also the wisdom that we just can’t evade the call to speak out sometimes.  Even if, like Jonah, we try to run far, far away.

Speaking out is also part of our spiritual call to be there for each other, to get each others’ backs,  so to speak. As Pastor Martin Niemoller put it in his famous Anti-Nazi poem,  “…Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.  Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.”

An Overdue Celebration of Whistleblowers from the Government Accountability Project.

Last night the Government Accountability Project (GAP), Participant Media and the Paley Center for Media live-streamed a powerful program, “Anyone Can Whistle” featuring 8 whistleblowers.  Among them were Frank Serpico (the NYC cop who was left for dead when he dared expose police corruption), Daniel Ellsberg (whose disclosure of the Pentagon papers exposed deceit over how the government handled the Vietnam War), Kit Foshee (who alerted us to the use of ammonia in beef products which was supposedly going to get rid of salmonella), and Coleen Rowley (Time Magazine’s 2002 “Person of the Year” after exposing intelligence breakdowns before the 9/11 attacks).

To see the archived presentation, go to the GAP website. Then please check out the whole site. Actively support whistleblower protection legislation.

Needed: Training In Effective Truth-telling

Don Soeken has often said that a big problem is that while we are taught to tell the truth, we’re not taught how to do it — though we are taught to fear being called a tattletale. He’s done a great service by supporting whistleblowers in many ways and providing tips for effective whistleblowing.

Coming tomorrow, the integrity training I got from my dad’s whistleblowing experiences.  Coming next week, tips and ideas from a prominent attorney who helps companies flourish by making integrity and civility a touchstone of the corporate culture.  Please join us!

In the meantime, please add your comments below.  How do you blow a whistle on wrongdoing respectfully, in small situations or larger ones?  How do you avoid it?  What tips do you offer for how to support whistleblowers?

As always, many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Since that interview, Elizabeth has written The Compromise Trap: How to Thrive at Work Without Selling Your Soul. The spirituality and work movements have grown along with a movement towards socially responsible business or conscious capitalism.  Still, simple, compelling pictures of what it’s like to do ordinary work with meaning and joy are still fairly rare.  That’s why I’m excited by the new TV show, “Undercover Boss,: which puts CEO’s into entry level jobs throughout their company, with a fake identity and a real quest to see what’s really happening.

When Employers and Employees Care About What They Do, We All Benefit.

Probably the biggest blessing any employer could give is to be fully acknowledge employees, as President and COO Larry O’Donnell of Waste Management did when he demonstrated a willingness to learn from his employees and to honor them during the launch of “Undercover Boss” on CBS.

While there was not a “religious” word spoken in this show, I saw in it a great model of the basic Buddhist practice of mindfulness, the Muslim practice of creating no split between what you do in the marketplace and what you do in your religious life, the Jewish and Christian practices of compassion and service, and the Hindu practice of engaging fully with any task but surrendering the results to God.

7 Spiritual Practices Demonstrated by the First “Undercover Boss”

No, none of these principles was stated in the show, but they’re what I saw in action:

See The Truth, Then Live By It, That You May Be Free. In business, truth is often hard to come by, because most managers are surrounded by spin doctors and “yes” men or women who only say what seems currently expedient.  Also, rarely do all of us see others without projections or fear, or a quick dismissal because they don’t seem to offer us anything at the moment — which leads to the power of the next tip.

Bless Others By Acknowledging And Appreciating Them As They Are. As many workplace surveys have found, a top yearning for many employees is simply to be seen, acknowledged and appreciated. When they get this from their employers, their morale naturally soars and stress diminishes. Often, productivity also soars — as was reported at Waste Management in the follow-up section of the show.

Open Your Eyes To The A Workplace Full Of Spiritual Allies. O’Donnell was blow away by the gifts and commitment in his own employees.  As I discovered during a hard time when my husband was out of work and we were dealing with three fatally ill family members across the country, workplace spiritual allies are everywhere, at every level of the corporate ladder.  I learned from such expert practitioners of acknowledgement and appreciation as receptionists and mailroom clerks that simply acknowledging and appreciating others is a deliciously satisfying practice.

Put Your Values Into Action. A huge value for O’Donnell is workplace safety, because his daughter was brain-damaged after a doctor failed to follow proper procedure in a routine medical procedure. That led his vow only to work for or run companies that take safety seriously.

See And Take Responsibility For The Impact Of Your Actions On Others. O’Donnell was shocked to see how badly his productivity policies impacted employees.  As CEO, he had the power to change hurtful policies, and he did.  We of lesser status in smaller companies always have the option to notice how we affect others for good or ill, as the Iriquois say, “to the seventh generation.”  We always have the option to be more socially or environmentally responsible, to be more kind to others, to tell the truth more.

When Life Hands You S__t, Laugh and Deal With It! At Waste Management, some employees literally have to work with human waste.  Fortunately, O’Donnell was taught to deal with it from a master, Fred the potty mentor.  If you don’t think of laughter as a spiritual practice, remember the proverb that a merry heart is healing for you and everyone around you.

Whatever Your Work, Do It With Caring And Integrity. Or, to paraphrase Khalil Gibran, allow love to take form and be seen through your work.  Or as people of many faiths say, through our work in the world, whatever our work,  we are God’s hands and feet.  So work as if we worked for God or another beloved.

What spiritual practices do you now quietly, and without fanfare, engage at work?  What else could you discover if you also shed your usual workplace personal and simply saw it afresh with new eyes?

Please comment below and, as always, many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

It happened on a beautiful day at a beautiful place.  A five-year-old created a snowball and threw it gently at her mom, who was talking on a cell phone, ignoring her child. But mom did notice when the snowball landed at the feet of a stranger (causing absolutely no harm), and Mom did stop talking on the phone long enough to screamingly humiliate the child. Then she went back to ignoring the child and talking on the phone. 

What Are We Called to Do When We Witness Abuse?

As Indrani shared the incident with our twice-monthly coaching support team, she was enraged.  “How fast they grow up and go away!” she said.  How much she wanted to grab that clueless, uncaring (at least in that moment) mother and yell, “Get off the !@##$% phone!  Notice your child!  Play with her!”

But Indrani said nothing, honoring the bounds of politeness.  Worse, Indrani was concerned that if she said anything to the mother, that mother would be enraged and take it out on the child.

Within moments, as our cross-country group met by phone, Indrani had been encouraged to create a blog post and a Twitter campaign to call parents to get off the phone and be with their children.  Join us!

It’s possible nothing huge will come from Indrani’s campaign.  But then it might open up a dialogue on how we can all create the  kind of caring safety net that supported those of us who grew up in extended families or in a small town.  Because we knew if we acted out, anyone across town had the right to call us on it and would probably inform our parents, we got the message that our town was full of mamas and dads dedicated to helping everyone’s kids grow up as kind adults.  We also knew that if we needed help away from home, it was no further away than the nearest adult. And moms and dads knew all the other adults had their back.

Stopping Abuse and Creating Kind Safety is Everyone’s Job

Recently, I wrote some tips on how adults can stop being bullied or harassed on the job, based on years of summarizing hundreds of depositions while working as a paralegal in the employment law field.   Last week, I had been drawn to watch the most recent edition of Undercover Boss because of the promo that showed the Hooter’s CEO witnessing an act of insulting abuse by a manager to a group of employees.

Fortunately, the show also depicted how the boss dealt with that abuse directly and compassionately.  The moment was priceless as the camera faced head-on a temporarily clueless manager who was being called on his misdeed.  It also showed his growing realization of what he had done wrong, then his opportunity to right it and keep his job.

How Much We Need Examples of Compassionate Confrontation!

My dad, who blew a whistle on his embezzling boss when I was just a baby, suffered greatly from retaliation and the pain of watching his beloved college — where he had met my mother and had taught for years — be consumed first by the widespread denial that there was a problem and then by fighting among those who wanted to cover up the problem versus those who wanted to face it.

It took many years, but my dad eventually forgave the president. His only regret was that no one had stopped the president early on by saying, “No, Dr. Meadows, you can’t do that.”  Corrective action could have been simply taken, and Dr. Meadows could have known he had caring watchdogs, so he could have finished his career with retirement and time for grandkids, not jail.

Indrani’s “put down the telephone and be with your kids” crusade is hopefully just the start of a major dialogue.  How do we speak up and speak out with compassion both to protect others from abuse and to call the abuser back into fellowship?  And how can each of us learn to accept compassionate confrontation, not fear and run from it?

Please add your thoughts and resources with a comment below.

Many blessings,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Flow is the opposite of what happens when get stuck in problems that beget more problems. For me, the opposite of flow is like a downward spiral that can worsen when I respond to problems by getting in a bad mood.  This irritates my family or colleagues, which makes me feel worse. My tension and irritability inhibits my ability to solve the original problems, because I can’t think clearly and make good decisions.  When I relax and get back into the flow, however, I am actually more productive!

Sound familiar?

The flow state is when we are totally immersed in what we are doing NOW, not thinking about results or time or outcome.

All we have to do to remember how much flow could be a part of everyday life is to watch children at play. We too can be in the flow as we paint, play music, or write a story.  Flow can happen over a fun family dinner, while spending quality time with friends, or taking a long walk in nature.  It can happen when we do work we love or  do any work with love.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi,  a psychologist who has spent decades studying the state of being he calls “flow,” says that, “The flow state is accessible to everyone … and can occur at any level of skill, and is in fact necessary for real enjoyment of life beyond simple pleasure-seeking. We really don’t get much out of the passive consumption of pleasure, compared to enjoyment which is much more active and creative and self-directive.”

Being in the flow can happen when we are really engaged in our work, when we bring our creativity and aliveness into it.

It can happen when we have lunch or a conversation with work colleagues and really get to know them as if for the first time. It can happen when we believe in what we’re doing and we know our work makes a difference in people’s lives.

Most of my personal examples of being in the flow at work revolve around team projects. I love the excitement that is created when we begin our group brainstorm, then see how it evolves as roles are defined and our plan is established, as we check in with each other, support others as needed, and end up with a product we can all be proud of. None of us could have done this alone.  I usually (not always) feel closer with my team members at the end of the project.

How do we best achieve flow?  Here are my favorite tips:

1. Have an open mind, be curious and open to possibilities, awe and wonder.  If you have forgotten how to do this, imitate how a baby watches the world.
2. Put your full self into what you do and how you do it. Trying to get by is not a way to achieve flow. Nor is doing the same thing over and over because it’s easy.
3. When something doesn’t go the way you hoped, stay flexible. Accept bad things gracefully, rather than resist them.  Otherwise, says a common spiritual principle, what you resist will persist.  As you accept and work with what is, you can soon flow naturally into enjoyment and fulfillment again. I love the John Denver song that goes “All this joy, all this sorrow, all this promise, all this pain, such is life.”
4. Tap into your innate knowing and creativity. Don’t limit yourself by saying “Oh, I’m not creative”, “I can’t write”, “I can’t ……………”  Just start acting as if you believed you were creative, and soon you will be creating.
5. Give yourself permission to have silent time, get lost in your thoughts, experiment.  This is where our inspiration and creativity comes from. When we stop trying to multi-task,  we can be more present to right here, right now.

Ask yourself, when are you normally in a state of flow? What takes you out of it? How can you achieve greater flow in your life? Wishing you many opportunities to be in the flow.
Enjoy,

Kimberly Weichel