So, how do you safeguard all your relationships in these economically trying times?

Firstly, make sure you are communicating.

As a couples therapist, I encourage my clients to be honest with each other about what is going on at work and with finances even if it is difficult. Many men struggle with the imperative “be a provider” and worry if their ability to “bring home the bacon” is threatened, then they are a failure. This is far from the truth, but if you hide your struggles from your partner, the fallout will be greater than some feelings of shame.

Have you ever hidden money problems from your partner? It’ll bite you.

At work, communication is just as important.  Nothing is worse than not knowing what is going on.  Ask questions and don’t spread rumors.  Keep each other up to date without exaggerating or being a worrier.  Stick to the serenity prayer.  Meditate.

Next, work as a team with your partner.

This is not the time to bury your head in the sand and let your loved one take care of it all. Get aware of what is coming in, what is due, and what is saved. That way you and your partner can make sound decisions. Ask each other for opinions or ideas; you never know what another point of view will bring to the table. Respect your partner with the belief they truly can function as a partner.

Team spirit isn’t just for cheerleaders and sports in school.  At work, a sense of shared commitment and direction will help you and your co-workers weather tough times- even financial.  If anyone feels alone, hung out to dry, or disconnected, you’ll lose out on important support.  Help create team spirit even if your bosses don’t:  talk up the mission, the real goals, and what you see as truly important about what you all do.

How else can you help each other pull through financial strains?

Support your partner and ask for support even if it is difficult. Both of you are probably stressed about the whole deal; this means you can empathize. It also means there are times when you speak and times when you listen. I have a couple who both are struggling- her customer numbers have fallen, and his venture business is not taking off. Sometimes she needs to talk, to just have him listen- he’s recently learned how important this skill is, and he’s practicing. In return, she has learned to not constantly bug him about his business and what he’s doing about it; she realized he’s working hard and can’t control it all. Both of them are creating healing moments with these decisions, and it helps them get through.

The same is true at work.  Sometimes your coworkers need to talk to be heard, other times they need feedback and suggestions.  Make sure you clarify your role in the discussion.  If you need either of these things, make sure your listener knows your expectation.  I do also suggest you stay away from constant griping and sniping; they both sap the spirit and energy out of you.  If you find yourself (or another person) falling into the snipe/gripe trap, ask, “What are you going to do to change what you can about it?”

What is the number one thing you can do?

Realize the finance climate is affecting all of you. Be kind to one another, support each other, give encouraging words to partner and colleagues, and hug your partner often.

Today’s courageous work:

1.    Talk with your partner about finances. Make sure you both are clear where you stand and what the plans are (current and backup.) Ask each other what each wants in relation to money problems (ideas, plans, an open ear.)
2.    Create a sense of positive energy and team spirit in your workplace with open communication, good listening, and a lack of snipe/gripe.
3.    Communicate, be a team, support one another, and realize you all are affected.

Kim Leatherdale LPC is the Happy Couple Expert.  She regularly shares easy tips and useful information  at http://creatingrewardingrelationships.blogspot.com/

She also offers video, phone, email, and in-office counseling sessions for couples and individuals; contact her via her blog profile.  Follow her on Twitter- HappyCoupleXprt- for fun quotes and hints.

Employers also lose big-time when they don’t stop workplace bullies and harassers.  As we recently reported here,  attorney Stephen M. Paskoff notes that “uncivil, abusive treatment—whether legal or not—causes business risks that exceed the economic costs of employment claims.”  The more we can help make employers see the business benefits of stopping workplace harassment and bullying, the sooner it can stop. Some Workplaces Can Be Really Mean and Hostile

You have to be clueless not to know that it’s illegal to harass or discriminate against people at work on the basis of race, creed, sex, national origin or sexual orientation. Still, at some workplaces it’s considered okay horseplay to drape a rope over the neck of an African American.

At other workplaces, slander based on religion is common.  Many managers turn a blind eye while employees (sometimes other managers) debate the sexual habits of co-workers, or play grab-ass games where participants try to pull each others’ pants down.

You Can’t Stop Workplace Bullies and Harassers Without Saying No

Based on the maybe 1,000 employment law depositions I’ve seen as a employment paralegal or the hundreds of people I’ve interviewed about meaningful work over many years, many employees try a lot of ineffective tactics to stop the bullies and harassers:

• make a joke or laugh it off;
• think only positive thoughts and try to ignore it;
• focus on not letting the bully or harasser see how hurt they are;
• change the subject;
• act nicely in the hopes the bully will stop picking on them; and/or
• hope that any or all of the above will make the abuser get the message and change.

Such tactics may help some people remember their humanity. But when someone is really being abusive, the only thing harassers and bullies understand is “No!” followed by a clear, clean, simple description of just what is not acceptable.

To the Extent We Haven’t Grown Up, It’s Harder to Get Others to Act Like Grown-ups

When the workplace feels like middle school or high school, it can push those painful buttons of any childhood stuff we still haven’t overcome, like an overwhelming fear of being teased and judged by people who so obviously don’t care.

I’ll never forget Jane (assumed name), the only woman in a group of men who acted like prepubescent kids whose teacher had left the room. On the witness stand, she was confronted with how it appeared as if she condoned the bad behavior.  Under questioning, it became obvious that her coping strategy at work was pretty much the same one she had used in junior high: trying to be part of the gang, and not trusting anyone outside the gang to help her.

To Jane and anyone like her:  many of us have been there, done that and found it didn’t work.  It does help to face the old pain or misconceptions with the help of great allies and role models.  I can’t overstress good therapy, buddy sessions, or assertiveness training.

A Personal Experience of Stopping a Bully and Harasser

Years ago, a temporary boss never had time to give clear instructions and always had time to scream in great detail about what I did wrong.  He was so demeaning that sometimes I began to doubt my own intelligence and worth.

After much prayer and emotional venting outside of work, I told him, ” I am here to serve you and want to serve you well. To do that, I need to be really clear about what you want, and I can’t be clear when you give me your instructions in a hurry, like when you are late for a meeting.”

I imagined myself surrounded by wise, strong women who modeled confidence and self-respect. After a deep breath, I continued, “I know you also want me to do a good job.  Here’s what I need from you so I can do that.”  I then said I needed him to 1) make sure I was dis-engaged from the work I was already doing before giving new instructions (so I could pay attention to his new needs), and 2) take time to affirm that I understood his request.

The strategy worked miracles for a while, then I had to remind him again and he behaved better again. With practice, I became more confident and self-assured. Now that I’m an entrepreneur, it’s much easier to avoid clients from hell and draw more of the kind of clients I can serve joyously and well.

We Can’t Stop Bullies and Harassers On Our Own

“Why didn’t you complain?” employment lawyers inevitably ask in a deposition when people like Jane get so fed up they finally bring a legal case. “Because I didn’t know anyone I could trust not to retaliate against me,” is the most common answer.

Because the law is designed to protect you from abuse at work, you have more allies than you probably know.   The better informed you are about your rights and how to defend them, the better you can get help.

Here’s three of Steve Paskoff’s tips:

1. Go to your supervisor or HR, say, “I’ve got to talk to you,” and affirm your desire to do a good job.
2. Lay out the specific behaviors you confront at work.  Include details like the tone of voice in which people speak to you or their body language.
3. State  clearly and unemotionally how these specific behaviors affect your ability to do a good job.  Never forget that the better you can link your complaint to performance, the stronger your case is.

This post is just the beginning of what I hope will be a fruitful dialogue on how to create a more satisfying workplace for everyone. I’m looking forward to getting Paskoff’s book, Teaching Big Shots to Behave and Other HR Challenges. Until then, very best wishes,

Pat McHenry Sullivan

1) the potential to be visionary is in all of us, though visionary potentials like instincts, imagination and intuition are more likely to be quashed than developed;

2) the worlds of work and money and everything else that affects us are in sore need of real vision, not just same-old strategies or the newest shiny thing; and

3) being the visionaries we were born to be is a lot simpler than trying to live without vision.

Forget old notions that we’re not visionary unless we do something spectacular

… like finding a cure for cancer or being at least as innovative as Steven Spielberg was in his least groundbreaking film.  Forget the impossible idea that to be visionary, we’ve got to foretell the future, not just pay attention to what is and notice what’s likely to happen if we keep moving in the same direction.

Also forget the notion that being very imaginative or making lots of money or impacting many people makes you a visionary.  That definition includes the people who built up the housing bubble and the banking crisis, plus terrorists like the underpants bomber.

Consider this simple, more beneficiary definition of visionary:

We are visionary when, with the help of others, we

1) see clearly what is,

2) imagine what can be,

3) discern which possibilities have integrity in all its meanings:  honest, just, naturally ethical, on true with our deepest values, and on the level with others (including the natural world) and

4) engage in a process of turning into reality the possibilities that we have deemed to be filled with integrity.

What Could Happen By Playing with This Definition of Visionary?

If you were more visionary at life and work, would you see more clearly how you can create the career that calls you in spite of obstacles that now block you?

Would you find new ways to serve yourself and others in your current job, in your community, or through volunteer service?  Would you see better the ways you now create unrest in your relationships, then envision how to build a least a little more peace in your small corner of the world?

What about money?  Could you see more clearly your true financial needs?  Could you discern better what’s really important to you and what’s not?

An Invitation to Investigate Your Visionary Potentials

Several of the posts on this blog relate to being more visionary; some are listed at the bottom of this post.  I hope you check them out.

Several years ago, I wrote “Finding Visions for Work and Life,” which is at www.workwithmeaningandjoy.com.  I hope you check that out, and choose a small paragraph a day from the article as inspiration for your meditations.

Next week, January 20, I’ll be facilitating a webinar for my undergraduate alma mater, William & Mary ,called ” How to Know and Do What Matters Most in All Your Life and Work.”  You don’t have to be an alum to attend, and it’s free.  Please consider joining us at:  https://www.wmalumni.com/?Webinarhome.

Your comments and ideas here are welcome.  Just imagine if each of us opened up our hearts and minds just a little bit more, then shared our ideas and dreams — no matter how big and scary they seem right now.  That’s actually what happened in Williamsburg, VA (the home of William & Mary) and other colonial towns where people dared to dream that their lives could be much better, then dared to follow their dreams with effective, caring action.

As always, many blessings

Pat McHenry Sullivan

Imagine, to use another John Lennon pet phrase, that it’s true.  Love IS all you need to bring more integrity, more purpose, more joy, more peace in the world through the ways  we work and deal with money.  Actually, I’m far from the first person to pose this idea.  One of the best discussions of love, business and money was Tim Sanders’ wonderful article, “Love is the Killer App” in Fast Company Magazine.

Imagine the Most Powerful Force in Work and Money is Love — Not Greed, Fear or Unbridled Competition

It’s been almost 8 years since Sanders wrote this in the “Love is the Killer App” article:  The most powerful force in business isn’t greed, fear, or even the raw energy of unbridled competition. The most powerful force in business is love. It’s what will help your company grow and become stronger. It’s what will propel your career forward. It’s what will give you a sense of meaning and satisfaction in your work, which will help you do your best work.

Since Sanders wrote this, there have been more examples of how disastrous the results of greed, fear and unbridled competition are for everyone than anyone could have imagined in 2002.  Yet, there have also been numerous examples of a movement toward sustainability.  The field of spirit and work (which one prominent publisher told me around 2000 had peaked and was dying), has grown and become mainstream.  Movements in socially responsible capitalism are growing. Millions, probably billions of us, have put our finances on sounder footings of reality and meaning rather than fear and the chase for the latest shiny thing.

Today, Market Forces are Moving Us Towards More Integrity — An Essential Element of Love

Workforce Management recently published “10 Ethics Trends for 2010“  by attorney Stephen M. Paskoff which started with the trend towards even greater public scrutiny for the misdeeds of corporations and their celebrity spokespeople.  I was most excited by the impact of the last two trends he noted:

• Organizations will increasingly come to recognize that uncivil, abusive treatment—whether legal or not—causes business risks that exceed the economic costs of employment claims. These must be reined in during a period of diminished resources. This realization can be found in the health care field and will continue to spread to other industries.

• “Lean and clean” will replace “lean and mean.” Too many people and organizations have suffered too much because of greed and corporate corruption. There will be a renewed focus on values such as integrity, and these will replace the “greed is good” mentality prevalent in many organizations over the past 25 years.

“All You Need Is Love” May Sound Simplistic, But It’s a Great Starting Point

I discovered the “All You Need Is Love” singout through an e-mail from my friend Francine Brevetti.  “All You Need Is Love” certainly works for our friendship.  Not love in a passive “I think nice thoughts about you” kind of way, but in an active relationship where we are there for each other professionally and as buddies, for richer or poorer, in laughter and pain, in sickness and in health.

This morning, while I was viewing “All You Need Is Love,” my husband John joined me.  Later, we came up with these thoughts:

• All you need is love to guide you from hate or confusion towards caring and clarity.
• All you need is love for yourself to give you the courage to speak out when others harm you and to get help to deal with workplace bullies.
• All you need is love to create a richer foundation for any workplace or financial challenge that just your left brain or business as usual.
• All it takes is love to move from a state of “my heart just isn’t in it” to a commitment to do your best for yourself and others.

How Can You Put Love to Work Right Now?

Obviously, I hope you listen to the video and let it move you.

I hope you savor the articles listed above, as well as an earlier post in this blog, “True Love of Money is the Root of Many Blessings.”

To repeat the blog post’s  central thesis, what if  true love of money returns many benefits spiritual and material, including a more sane, kind and profitable economy for everyone? What if you love money according to the definition in Paul’s 1 Corinthians 13, where love is defined as patient, kind and many more wondrous things?

As always, many blessings, and please add your comments.

Pat McHenry Sullivan

While we are accustomed to thinking about expenditures only as spending money, there are also such costs and potential benefits as impact on time, health, relationships, and ability to live purposefully. Thus, the wise choice considers more than just money in calculating ROI (return on investment).

To keep a sense of balance in our lives, we need to look at the many costs of any decision.

Costs are not always obvious. Sometimes, little decisions about money cost dearly in terms of relationships and health. I’ve known friends who argued over a simple dinner bill, where each paid a few more dollars than they thought fair. But what was the cost to their relationship in letting this little thing get in their way?

On the other hand, I’ve purchased an item that I really wanted that cost more than I was planning to spend, and it has brought tremendous joy to me over the years every time I see it in my home. So cost is relative. My enjoyment is worth something.

It’s easy to forget the value of time. The other night my husband and I were invited to a “free” Shakespeare performance. Though we spent two hours waiting in line, the tickets ran out before we got to the front of the line. Our priceless learning: our time is worth more than what it would have cost to buy tickets at the regular price.

Sometimes, inaction is terribly expensive.

Right now, many people are obsessed with saving money, but not spending has its own costs, beyond the fact that we don’t get a service or product we need or really want.

Putting off getting an important repair on our car because we’re trying to save money might mean a bigger bill and more repairs later on. Waiting to go to the doctor to check out a concern might compromise our health. Putting off taking a vacation to take on extra work may add to our stress level and hurt our relationships.

I know many people who are caught in a vicious circle of staying in a job they hate because they have a high mortgage and lots of expenses. By feeling stuck we can get depressed, which can hurt our health and relationships. Our quality of life suffers, and keeps us from feeling fully alive and on purpose.

Yet if we step back, re-evaluate what is important to us, we can re-prioritize and make adjustments. Maybe it’s even time to sell the house and downsize to something smaller, or take in roommates, or move out and rent out the house so that you can enjoy your life until the economy picks up.

Even when we’re strapped for funds, we can create the life map of our choosing.

Can you imagine driving somewhere for the first time but having no idea where it is and no map? Yet this is often how we live our lives.

It’s important that we at least feel in charge, know what we want, and plan for it, knowing that it may take awhile to achieve. If we hate the job, why not be honest with ourselves, write down what our ideal job would look like, and start looking for it in our spare time? Or take a second look at our current job and figure out what is not serving us – sometimes we are resisting an opportunity that can help us grow (e.g., perhaps we are angry at a boss that reminds us of a parent, or we feel undervalued). Perhaps our frustration has less to do with the job and more to do with our own feelings or projections.

We don’t need to feel stuck when in fact we always have many options. Be open to them! Mediate or pray about it – or use any number of spiritual practices that might offer insight. Ask a friend to help you brainstorm and think out of the box.

Here are some guidelines for considering costs and potential return:

• Is this product or service important at this time?
• What potential benefits does it offer?
• What impact might it have either way on my health, spiritual life, family, relationships, etc.?
• How much time will it take?
• What is the actual cost?
• What is the possible cost of inaction?

In sum, what’s my true return on investment — positive or negative?

Kimberly Weichel is a social pioneer, educator, author and specialist in global communications, leadership and peacebuilding. She is co-author of “Healing the Heart of the World” and director of the Institute for Peacebuilding.www.kimweichel.org.

Over the years, I’ve integrated many spiritual practices into my life and work: meditating, taking a moment of silence, being grateful, walking, visualizing, spending time in nature, or journaling. Some of these practices I learned from others; some I invented or adapted. All have led to rich and sometimes surprising insights for work, money and the rest of life — provided they fit my life, not some idealized notion of what the spiritual life ought to be.

The best practices are those that work for us — whether or not they are normally defined as “spiritual.”

If you’re like me, you have to live your spiritual life in the midst of your ordinary real life, not a monastery. I really look forward to my early morning walk with my dog, and to my practices of finding some quiet moments during the day (yes, during work – particularly when I can step outdoors and go for a brisk walk), some free space for dreaming when I ride the subway, spiritual reading at night, or to our family evening meal together. Each practice helps ground me in my fast paced world, and provides some calm, solace and perspective. I am disappointed when I need to skip any of them.

Another practice is gratitude. I find the more I practice gratitude for the big events, the more I’m also grateful for the little things (the subway arrives just as I do), and also not only what happened (I finished my report on time), but what didn’t happen (my flight arrived safely). Each of these gives me a sense of calm, acceptance, and inner peace.

If we just do a spiritual practice because we “should,” it probably won’t work. True practices aren’t requirements, but life-enhancing tools. Yet, it’s too easy to treat them like yet another thing we are “supposed” to do, and find ourselves outwardly agreeing but inwardly resisting. When we do, the practices probably won’t happen.

I often hear the comments “I’m too busy to exercise” or “I don’t have time for a practice.” I’ve found it’s important not to just remind myself to make sure I have time for practice, but to also affirm why this is so.

We can always find time for what is important to us. I have learned as a mother that if I don’t take care of myself, then I have less to give my children and husband. If I don’t take care of my body and nurture my soul, I can feel grumpy, tired, unhealthy, and agitated, which affects my work, my relationships and my attitude. I have less to offer at work, with friends, and with family. Yes, practices are good for our life; when I remember the good in the practices, I am more likely to embrace them.

It’s amazing how powerful just a change of attitude can have.

When I began working at the World Affairs Council many years ago, the hours were long and I found myself grouchy. Much as the purpose of the Council was aligned with my own, I was so focused on the high pressure of the situation that I lost the joy of the work. I became frustrated that I wasn’t being paid enough to work such long hours, and I was hungry and tired each night when I went home. About a month later someone said to me, “You are so lucky to get paid to be at these amazing programs that most people have to pay to go to. You have one of the best international positions in the Bay Area!”

I went home and thought about it and realized two things were true: I really did enjoy my work so I needed to shift my attitude from what wasn’t working to what was working. I also needed to take better care of myself at work. I decided to eat more for lunch, and have a healthy snack in the afternoon. From that moment onwards I began to love my job, blossomed in it, made many connections, and grew in many ways. The only thing that I changed was my attitude, but that made all the difference.

I’ve learned about many practices from many people.

1. Start staff meetings with a moment of silence.
2. Decorate our work spaces with items that matter to us, and create our own workplace altars.
3. Take a day off periodically for nurture and renewal.
4. Initiate a conversation with colleagues about what spirit at work means to each person and how to live it at work (there are many resources for this conversation).
5. Review your company mission statements, policies and procedures to ensure they include a triple bottom line of focusing on people, planet, and profits.
6. Create an evolving mission statement employees are proud to live by.
7. When possible, hold at least some meetings outdoors.
8. Encourage creativity, openness and honesty.

What practice do you have that works for you?

If none, what draws you from the list above? Am you willing to try it?
If you have other practices that work for you, we’d love to hear them.

Kimberly Weichel

Kimberly Weichel is a social pioneer, educator, author and specialist in global communications, leadership and peacebuilding. She is co-author of “Healing the Heart of the World” and director of the Institute for Peacebuilding. www.kimweichel.org.

1. What hurts?
2. What would it look like to be whole again?
3. What would it take to be whole again?
4. What can I learn from this challenge?
5. What allies and resources are available?
6. How am I called to serve?

Turning Challenges into Opportunity Can Be a Powerful Exercise in Practical Spirituality

Questions 1, 2 and 3 clarify current reality. They help you generate a new vision and the creativity you need to make it real. Question 4 opens all your mental resources and anchors your power of intention. Questions 5 and 6 connect you to a source much greater than yourself.

A friend I’ll call Joe first thought his answer to question 1 was only, “I get a pounding headache at work.” After meditation on the question, he discovered, “My worst headaches come when I am working with a boss who reminds me of the worst aspects of my father.” Further reflection showed him exactly how his body tensed in response to stress. He also wondered if his habit of skipping lunch when he felt pressured for time might be part of the problem.

All this changed Joe’s original answer to question 2 from “I just want the headaches to go away,” to “I envision responding to stressful situations with an alert mind, pain-free body, and peaceful heart.”

Reflection on questions 3 and 4 inspired Joe to deal with his issues around his father, not project them onto the boss. At the same time, he knew he also had to practice better boundaries and personal caretaking.

Question 5 led to an intuitive flash: “Talk with my friend Betty (a nurse).” She taught Joe that whenever he skipped lunch, he depleted the amount of blood sugar his brain and body need to work well. Headaches are a common side effect of low blood sugar.

Soon Joe’s workday headaches were gone and the problems with the boss were eased. His performance improved, and so did his relationship with his boss.

Instead of going home from work exhausted or dulled by painkillers, he went home with a spring in his step and more time to be with his family. He eventually got a better job with a more appreciative boss.

Question 6 led Joe to the simple conclusion that by taking better care of himself and giving his best to any task, he was best able to work compassionately and purposefully. He used some of his increased time and energy for fun with friends and family and some for increased service to the community.

Every spiritual tradition is loaded with practical spiritual wisdom.

My all-time favorite wisdom teacher is Brother Lawrence, a 17th century Catholic monk who spoke of practicing the presence of God. Whether you are sweeping the floor, making an omelet or working with today’s high-tech equipment, do everything gratefully, as if it were for God. Bring your full self to the task, right here, right now.

I’m often stunned at how powerful this simple practice can be. Once my husband and I were helping his mother rake leaves. It seemed utterly natural to give thanks for the opportunity to be with this wonderful woman and pray for her continued health and safety while we worked.

Sometimes we laughed and joked; other times we were silent enough to hear leaves being chased across the pavement by our brooms. This is the kind of joy that can be so easily missed when we treat tasks just as something to be done, not as an experience of service with the potential for joy. Just remembering the joy of that morning makes my heart sing again.

That joy led to three more questions:

1. What joys do I now feel around work and money?
2. How can this joy benefit me and others?
3. How can I learn and grow by expanding the blessings in my life right now?

As always, many blessings, Pat McHenry Sullivan

This post was adapted from an article I wrote several years ago for my column on practical spirituality that ran for about a year on myprimetime.com.

If love is one of the most powerful forces for good in the universe, then loving money must also be a powerful force for good.

Consider just the loving aspects of patience and kindness. Loving a child with patience and kindness includes nurturing not just his creative spirit and self worth, but also her respect for the boundaries of others. Loving a friend or spouse means accepting their imperfections and helping to meet their needs with joy, but not allowing abuse from them.

When I truly love money, I can’t do un-loving things to it, like put it on a pedestal or demand that it make me feel better about myself. Nor can I allow it to hold me or my values in bondage.

Having patience with money means no more investments or credit cards where I’m too busy to understand the terms. It means foregoing the heady excitement and sense of entitlement like I had in the 90′s when I watched my 401 (k)’s “worth” grow so fast, than I became enraged when it dropped to less than a 15% return, then lost money.

Loving money also means discerning the impact of my earning and spending, even when it costs more to support fair trade than to buy cheap stuff from companies that exploit the land or people. It means giving up the illusion that I am somehow more spiritual than those who have more money and admitting that underneath this illusion are some pretty unspiritual things like arrogance or fear. It means taking on more of the scary tasks of money-making, particularly marketing and selling, with patience and kindness.

And it means being patience and kind with all the parts of me that are not patient or kind around money, work and everything else– like the parts of me that are in a hurry to get this post done and the parts of me that resist doing it and the parts that are so into perfection that I can never get anything done.

Imagine loving money with patience and kindness as a personal and corporate strategy.

That’s actually happening way more than is reported, even when the words “patience” or “kindness” aren’t used. Many examples can be found in the spirit and work movement, the trends towards socially responsible businesses and investing, and the slow money movement.

Money itself is experiencing an extreme makeover through the conscious capitalism movement. Patricia Aburdene, author of Megatrends 2010: The Rise of Conscious Capitalism reported in the most recent edition of Enlighten Next Magazine  that half the Fortune 500 companies actually already practice at least a little conscious capitalism. She reports how these companies have turned away from “the worship of profits while ignoring the long-term costs of earning them” to business that “embraces all its stakeholders – investors, customers, communities, employees, and the environment.”

Profit is alive and well in conscious capitalism, and the bottom line of conscious capitalists benefit greatly from increased customer and employee loyalties. One of the things that’s needed for the benefits of conscious capitalism to become more popular is for it to be reported more and for a new standard helps us assess the material value of such values as compassion and long-term thinking.

That’s a subject we touched on here several months ago, in a call to let go our obsession with the latest burps of the Dow and instead focus on a more long-term Tao (meaning way or path to wisdom, among other things) that takes care of the immediate needs and the future, while leaving plenty of good things for generations to come.

What’s your vision for how your relationship with money could be transformed with patience and kindness?

What thoughts stir about the true love of money when you read and meditate on 1 Corinthians 13?

What other sacred texts from any faith, poetry or quotes inspire true love of money for you?

What practices help you truly love any aspect of your relationship to money?

As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome. Many blessings, Pat McHenry Sullivan

I really want that right now, not just around the ever-present health care financing issue, but around everything else that’s dominating the news today, like how hard it is for many of us to make a living right now. Like how many people we know are stuck in painful jobs they hate but don’t dare leave. Or for those of us who are entrepreneurs, where the next clients are coming from in a time when so many are still cutting back.

Healthcare financing and all our other money or work issues could benefit from some individual and collective deep breaths.

Won’t you breathe with me right now? Just take one breath, then another, and feel your energy rising. As you breathe, listen to the silence. Trust that you’ve got something worth saying, starting with yourself, so make that commitment to hear yourself.

Listen more than speak to yourself. Listen past your own assumptions and beliefs and pet projects into the stillness of your own heart. And when you are ready, share what’s true for you with another.

One thing I know for sure is that whenever two or more of us come together long enough to really see each other, to really listen to each other, we are wiser. Confusion becomes clarity. Enmity becomes dialogue, then collaboration. Money wasted, lives harmed turned into money used well for the best of human and earthly life.

It’s not easy to find money or work wisdom in a noisy, divisive world.

Even in my quiet office with candles burning, it’s hard to put aside all sorts of ideas and assumptions so I can be present to a deeper Presence. Even with years of practice in hearing what really matters most to others and myself around spirit, work and money, it’s hard to hear the one thing I need to hear right here, right now.

The wisdom I find in the silence calls me down from my high horse and holds a mirror to truths I’d rather evade. It calls me to say or do things I’d not otherwise dream or dare, things that risk ridicule or failure or even scarier, a hope and awe that make me tremble

And so, being human, I often run from the silence, and I bet you do, too.That’s why it always helps to have companions on the journey of dealing with what matters, whether on the mundane or spiritual level.

The world is filled with tips and resources for finding wisdom for money, work and other spiritual or mundane issues.

As a kid, I loved watching my mother and her best friend share everything from recipes to laughs to prayers to tips on sewing and how to handle us kids. As a business plan writer and teacher, I love sharing resources and ideas for how to turn a dream into thriving reality. As a writer and speaker in the field of spirit and work, I’m passionate about sharing tips and resources from all the world’s faiths for all types of work.

Here are some favorites you may try:

Go to the place where you feel most attuned to your wisdom source. For most people that’s the bathroom (no.1 according to a survey of business executives, especially the shower), a place of worship (not necessarily your own religion) or nature. If you can’t actually go to your wisdom place, go there virtually. (www.workwithmeaningandjoy.com/ww_-_retreat.pdf)

If you are under time pressure or are uncomfortable with meditation, run or do whatever else that helps you get your body, mind and spirit into a non-competitive zone. Many lawyers I know find that answers that eluded them during hard thinking come easily on the run.

Work off your anger or frustration safely, like our grandparents did while chopping wood or beating rugs over the clothesline. Some friends and I one had a great time working off some political fury by smashing yard-sale chipped pottery against a concrete wall. By the time we had carefully swept up the shards, we had a lot more energy that we could focus positively.

Tomorrow, by request, some tips from writers and speakers about how to get your most meaningful points across in a noisy, crowded world.

As always, many blessings. And come back again real soon,
Pat McHenry Sullivan

A Wharton School of Business that finds “tightwads” and “spendthrifts” tend to attract one another, even though they both consciously felt they’d be more comfortable with mates of similar spending habits.   So much for the limited power of the conscious mind!

The subconscious, which is where all behavior comes from, is much more powerful than the conscious mind.  This can be really great news, if you know how to work it.

There is a positive intent behind all financial and other human behavior, no matter how distorted/crazy/stupid/”evil” it may see at present.

Money can be a coping mechanism, a valiant attempt to feel soothed or powerful or in control.  Thus, tightwads are simply trying to feel secure and be prepared for the future. Overspenders are trying to feel safe and happy in the present. They may feel denied if they can’t have what they want when they want it. 

Both dynamics have their place and can be tempered with balance. Many tightwads really do want to loosen up and be a bit freer in their spending, and many spendthrifts really do want to rein in their spending.  So both these polar opposites are actually seeking balance.  Beneath their distortions are some powerful gifts:  the potential for fiscal responsibility over the long haul and the ability to be caring and joyous right here, right now.

We learned many of money behaviors from our parents.

As a gross generality, we tend to model the behavior of our same-gender parent, and to attract traits of our opposite-gender parent in our mate.  As long as those behaviors remain unconscious, they can drive behavior in ways that do not support either partner.

For example, a woman’s compulsion to over-spend on clothing may have little to do with the desire for clothing but more so with childhood habits. Perhaps she saw her mother use shopping as a coping mechanism, and she learned that when life presents stress, shop and you will feel better about yourself. Her mate’s refusal to spend much on himself or others may make him feel like a good provider like his father was.

On the other hand, we may also have taken on financial behaviors that defy our parents or other powerful authority figures.  Example:  the daughter of a very miserly, well-paid professional man was horrified by watching her mother “steal” from her dad’s pants pockets to have enough money to feed the family.  She vowed: “I’ll never depend on a man for money” She became a hoarder, and could not share abundance with others, or herself.

Healthy people learn how to let their own vision and values — not unconscious habits — guide their financial decisions.

The gap between overspenders and oversavers can be bridged through vigilance and a commitment to harmonious money management.  You can’t help how you were “trained” to deal with money, but you certainly can effect positive change in this department.

Here’s how:

• Acknowledge the habits you picked up from your primary caregivers and how those habits now interfere with your best life;
• Acknowledge your and your partner’s rights to feel safe and comfortable, whether or not money is part of your safety and comfort equation, and agree to help each other have the safety and comfort you desire;
• Create a new vision of what you really want from life and how money might support this vision, not be the vision itself;
• Chart a course together to achieve a more central plot on the continuum for fiscal responsibility, so that (1) both partners feel safe and comfortable – - not just financially but in every aspect of life, and (2) you create a financial reality that serves you both well.

Financial mission — a cure for “money disorders”

I work with my patients to create a mission for their life’s work…..focusing on their callings, their purpose, the spiritual essence of their work.  I help them move from a position of fear, rebellion, scarcity or other limiting belief into a state of grounded trust in the goodness of life and their potential to have enough money for their true desires.

Perhaps you are familiar with the expression “dirty money” (or have seen the popular TV show by that name). I help couples focus on making “clean money,” no matter how little or much they earn.  Clean money, as opposed to “dirty money” is made honestly and in a way that has integrity to you and is earned in a manner that makes you proud.

Whatever we focus on will expand, so focus on an authentic, purposeful, integrity-filled, spirituality of money.  Discover what each of those qualities means to you, and experience how it feels when you actually create your money in an authentic, purposeful, integrity-filled and spiritual way. This practice will not only help you attract more money, but it will also help you enjoy it more and use it better.

Best of Wealth and Health!

Dr. Nancy

Doctor of psychology and clinical hypnotist, Dr. Nancy Irwin is in private practice in Los Angeles. She is also a speaker and the author of YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE (2008, Amazon.com), a collection of “over 40 stories of people over 40” who made amazing transformations. Dr. Nancy has appeared on numerous radio and TV shows, including CNBC, The Greg Behrendt Show, The Rachel Maddow Show, to name a few, and has been quoted in the Huffington Post, the The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, and more. She is a member of the California Psychological Association and sits on the Education Committee of the California Coalition on Sexual Offending. www.drnancyirwin.com.